It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
