ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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