yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
