he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
