I think I am morally bankrupt
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize