I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
