I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize