TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my being single is dangerous.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
