Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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