ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
