I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
