broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So many bounce houses so little time
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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