He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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