Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
