It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
