alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
