i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
