Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
