shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
