why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
