I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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