don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
