y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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