I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Randomize
