There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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