it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
