so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
