She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
