The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you had me at cake vodka
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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