I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
