I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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