I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
