there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
