found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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