question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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