She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
