I wannas sexs uuuuu
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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