Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
