She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
