i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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