Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
now i know why i became what i already was.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
