Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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