i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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