I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
