Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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