I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
