i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
