I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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