I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
