those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
