I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
