Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
