dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
