am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
