My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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