you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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