The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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