brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
