I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
