Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
